Forgiveness
If
someone triggers anger, fear, rage, hate, vengeance, sorrow, shame, or any
other strong, intense, emotional reaction in you, it is an opportunity to
heal this in yourself – not by letting them off the hook, but by changing
how you view the pain producing event in your mind. When you choose not to
forgive, you live your life through fear contaminated glasses. When you
forgive, you let go of the baggage of an experience. Forgiveness is not a
one time experience.
Forgiveness is a journey. It usually starts from a place of non-forgiveness. Getting there can take minutes, weeks, months, or years. It seems to be a matter of choice. Traditional Forgiveness can take a long time, but a person can do it quicker through Radical Forgiveness simply by expressing even a small willingness to forgive. Each time a person does this; it creates an act of faith, a prayer, and a humble request for Divine Assistance. A person can do this at the moment when he or she feels unable to forgive, and in this sense, it is a fake-it-till you-make it process. And faking it until you make it refers to surrendering to the process, putting no effort nor attempting to control the results.
I work with a technique called Radical Forgiveness. Radical Forgiveness teaches that "without exception, everything that happens to us is divinely guided, purposeful, and for our greater good."
I help people primarily thru a Radical Forgiveness worksheet which takes seven minutes to complete. All it takes is a willingness to forgive-- even if the person begins with 1% willingness to forgive.
“To the extent that we forgive others, we are forgiven
ourselves.”
~Caroline Myss
Why Should You Forgive?
Contrary
to the myth, forgiveness is not a self sacrificing act done for the good of
the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is “selfish” – it benefits you. When
you forgive, you release long held resentments, blame, anger, and grief that
have been controlling the way you think and live your life. Forgiveness
allows you to be free from your toxic past and to release all old self
defeating patterns of behavior. Other benefits of forgiveness include better
relationships, more emotional energy, improved health, more peace and
happiness, and spiritual growth.
How do I forgive, that is helpful to me and others?
A
technique that is used is a step-by-step- process called Radical
Forgiveness. It has been developed by author and spiritual teacher, Colin
Tipping. The Radical Forgiveness process helps individuals resolve painful
situations in their lives and live more consciously.
Radical Forgiveness helps you look at the underlying assumptions and spiritual principles operating in a problematic situation so your perception of the situation and your story about it shifts and becomes meaningful in a wholly different way. When this happens, behavior patterns can change and relationships improve.
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act: it is a
permanent attitude.”
~Martin Luther King
Radical Forgiveness
Now,
since I have mentioned the term Radical Forgiveness to you, you might be
asking: “What is Radical Forgiveness?” Well, it is helpful to understand
that Radical Forgiveness is really quite different from what people
traditionally think as forgiveness. For me, Radical Forgiveness is about
changing our perception about why things happen in our lives.
Radical Forgiveness is taking a step back, looking beyond the apparent situation, and opening your mind that something else could be going on underneath a problematic situation. What a person does who makes use of Radical Forgiveness is make a commitment to releasing his/her painful past and his/her difficult present. He/she goes underneath the drama in his/her life to see a bigger picture and the lesson or spiritual wisdom underneath. This perception constitutes the essential essence of Radical Forgiveness (RF).
Radical Forgiveness, as mentioned previously, is a willingness to release not only a painful past, but also any problematic present situations. The release is experienced as more complete, since it allows you to view what occurred was purposeful not only in terms of emotional healing, but also in the area of spiritual growth as well. Radical Forgiveness is not only experienced as meaningful and profound, but it also can occur very quickly. The tools of Radical Forgiveness are easy to use and follow a step-by-step process. Seldom does Radical Forgiveness require digging up a lot of your past or spending a lot of time in therapy. By using the tools of Radical Forgiveness, a person can have more mastery in his or in his or her life.
In addition, Radical Forgiveness is different than Traditional Forgiveness. Traditional Forgiveness simply states: “I know a lot of bad things have happened to me. I need to let go of them.” On one hand, there is a need to forgive, but at the same time there is a strong need to condemn what has happened. Therefore, Traditional Forgiveness is difficult. There is usually a need for a lot of therapy. Therapy can be expensive. It can take a long time, and a person has very little control of the situation.
In summary, Radical Forgiveness is a very powerful method. It enables a person to let go of the anger, blame, and resentment attached to the past and even present experiences. As a result, a person’s life functions better, relationships improve, and an individual becomes happier.
